


These Arms Were Made for Holding You.

by Dee_M



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2017 Era (Phandom), Cuddling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Oblivious Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:26:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_M/pseuds/Dee_M
Summary: Phil is a man with a plan; to help Dan fall asleep.Cue sleepy cuddles, friendly bants, and a bit of good old fashioned pining.





	These Arms Were Made for Holding You.

**Author's Note:**

> This is set around 2017 Before they moved.  
> Since they weren’t together then, in this universe the V-day vid doesn’t exist.  
> Lots and lots and lots of thanks to @lackless (Lackless-dnp) for being my Beta, all punctuation you see is due to her ;P  
> Enjoy!!

_'Never let it be said that Dan and Phil don’t live up to their titles as introverts’_   Phil thinks as he trudges into the kitchen.

It’s Tuesday morning and he’s already mentally preparing for all the human interaction that’s inevitably going to be involved in the day of meetings they have scheduled for tomorrow, he knows Dan’s psyching himself up too as he had been fairly quiet yesterday, almost as if reserving energy.

Phil yawns as he fills the kettle and sets it to boil. He grabs two mugs, puts tea bags in and gets the milk out of the fridge, the kettle pings letting him know it’s done. He pours himself a cup and is about to pour one for Dan when he thinks better of it, he hasn’t even heard him get up yet, it’d just go cold.

As it happens Dan doesn’t emerge from his room till 3 hours later at eleven o'clock  

By which time Phil is sitting at the living room table, tapping his pen and bouncing his leg, lip caught between his teeth as he focuses on re-reading the notes he has prepared for tomorrow.

Dan stumbling around pulls him from his work and Phil looks up as he comes into the room, bowl of cereal in hand.

“Hey,” Phil mutters then goes back to staring at his screen, not even sure what he’s trying to find. He’s confident in his work. He’s presented so many of his ideas to so many different people over time, he knows how this process goes. He knows his ideas often go down quite well, he even knows the team they’re working with, having worked with them before. And just as Phil knows all this, he also knows that it’s his own anxiety making him so nervous and unsure, telling him to check and double-check so that he won’t make a fool of himself, so he won’t be caught on the spot at any moment.

He looks up again “And what time do you call this then, Daniel?” He teases.

“Shove off,” grumbles a disgruntled Dan, still squinting slightly in the light “You all set for tomorrow then?” he asks with a nod to Phil’s laptop.

“Of course, I’m set for-“ Phil starts, then “Ooohh My God, Dan… please tell me you’ve finished yours!”

At this Dan immediately shoves a spoonful of cereal in his mouth and makes garbled noises as if trying to say something.

Phil tries to look annoyed with him but it’s hard to achieve as milk starts trickling down Dan’s chin and he almost chokes trying to swallow his mouthful before it all seeps out.

He doesn’t really worry about Dan getting his work done anyway, he has every confidence in him. He’s extremely familiar with the way Dan leaves it all to the last minute, and he knows that Dan never presents anything without it being deemed quality by his own standards, which he sets almost unfairly high.

So undoubtedly, he knows Dan will have everything done by tomorrow, unfortunately, that doesn’t mean it won’t freak Phil out in the meantime.

After clearing his throat and wiping his chin Dan speaks up “I’ve been over the material they sent, _and_ I have an outline for anything I want to say, so no worries yeah?” he gets up and stretches. “Right! I’m going to get ready for the day then I’ll get started with that. What are you up to?”

“Nothing really probably just going to go over my notes again, oh, we need milk and a loaf of bread plus my clock needs new batteries so I’m going to pop to Tesco at some point. Let me know if you have anything to add to the list.”

“Mm,” Dan acknowledges “want me to give your work a read?”

He says it so casually, yet it immediately soothes Phil’s nerves, having Dan read it and hearing his opinion is exactly what he needs, he’s almost startled at how quickly Dan sussed him out.

Phil smiles inwardly, supposes that it isn’t really a surprise seeing as Dan’s been his closest friend for coming up to eight years. “Yes please, I saved it to OneDrive.”

“Okie Dokie,” Dan says and he wanders back to his room.

Phil shuts his laptop and stands up, he shakes his head seeing that a _certain someone_ left their bowl on the sofa, he picks it up and goes to the kitchen to finish the shopping list.

-

There’s something about seeing couples doing mundane everyday things that always sets a little tick off in Phil’s mind.

He can’t quite understand it, but it has been a weird- interest? Fascination? - of his for years now, like when Martyn and Cornelia gently bicker as they set the table at his parents’ house or the young couple he’d seen rushing at the tube station holding hands as they ran through the tunnels, giggling hysterically all the while.

Currently he’s standing in line for self-checkout and the woman who’s standing in front of him, clearly on her way home from work, is talking on the phone, “I’m just queueing up now, love. Got some fish fingers for dinner.” she’s smiling fondly as she talks “Oh no you don’t need to come in I told you I’ll just be a mo.”

Phil wonders if he’s being creepy for listening but reasons that she _is_ standing right in front of him and it's not like she’s whispering, anyway, he could hardly block his ears.

She’s off the phone now and just shuffling forward in the line when a woman in a pencil skirt, blouse, and peacoat with her work bag slung over one shoulder, slinks up behind her.

She pokes the lady in her side and smiles wide when she turns to look at her.

“Fiona! Why’d you come in?” Hearing this, Fiona acts affronted.

“What a girl can’t come and see her wife these days? Hmm? What next?” with that she digs her fingers into her wife’s sides making her giggle and shove Fiona off. “We’re gonna hold up the line move, you idiot,” the love in her voice making it obvious the term was anything but insulting.

Suddenly Phil finds himself thinking of Dan, he’s confused momentarily, unsure what part of their interactions made him think of his friend.

He realizes that it must’ve been the name Fiona, he knows Dan would’ve made a Shrek joke had he been here.

That must’ve been it. Yeah.

Phil shakes himself out of his musings and moves to check out.

-

Dan makes pasta for dinner, they sit on the sofa, Doctor Strange playing on tv but neither are really paying attention.

Dan’s talking about an animation he saw displaying common objects not having the physical properties you’d expect them to have.

Phil’s listening, he really is, he’s just a little bit concerned about the fact that Dan is talking fast and thinking faster, almost like his brain is working a million thoughts a minute and his tongue is working hard to spit them all out in time.

“You wouldn’t expect a ball to float up or more accurately _bounce_ up a staircase never mind one that’s actually going down, how unexpected! You have to watch it, Phil, it’s a total mind fuck”

“Yeah, it definitely sounds cool, you know I love small animations,” Phil replies.

Dan stands up, picking his plate with him, “You done there, Philly?” he inquires.

“Yep. tasty by the way, thanks for cooking,” Phil yawns as he hands him his dishes.

Whilst Dan’s in the kitchen Phil clears up the living room a bit, which gives him time to think.

He can tell Dan’s a bit on edge this evening, he’s familiar with the tell-tale signs that indicate his flatmate will be up for hours to come. Usually pacing around the flat or watching anime or randomly sorting through drawers and shelves.

Normally he wouldn’t worry about it. They both have nights where they can’t sleep. He himself had resorted to making “Sleepless Night with Phil” videos for his channel in a valiant effort to avoid wasting the night _entirely._

But Phil is certain that if Dan doesn’t get a good night’s sleep tonight he will not be a happy camper tomorrow.

And if a day of meetings and small talk seems bad now, it’ll be about a thousand times worse with a grumpy low-on-sleep Dan. Most things were a lot worse with a low-on-sleep Dan, Phil thinks, you could probably take him to a petting zoo with fluffy animals and it wouldn’t appease him.

“Are you heading to bed soon?” he calls to Dan. A cursory glance at his phone informs him it’s 11:00pm. They have to be up by seven if they want to get anywhere on time tomorrow.

“Uhm- Not just yet, no…” Dan trails off. He knows the younger man well enough by now to know that means at least another couple of hours which won’t be enough sleep.

Phil hums in response. He has had an idea, he knows that suggesting to Dan that he actively try to go to sleep will merely fuel the restlessness.

Filed away in the part of his brain labeled “Daniel” is the fact that physical touch/cuddling makes for one sleepy boi when it comes to Dan, information he has cataloged from many a night watching Buffy, prior to moving in, when Dan was still at uni, and they’d both lie in Phil’s bed.

He’d noticed, back then, how anytime he would put his arm around Dan or subconsciously tangle their legs or even just rest his head on Dan’s shoulder it would result in Dan falling asleep before the episode had even reached midpoint.

And so, armed with this information Philip makes a Plan of Action.

He sets off to get ready for bed, goes about his night-time routine as usual and once he’s in his pajamas, he grabs his phone and charger, plugs it in in the living room and checks his alarms are set.

Then he turns the light off, pulls Netflix up, puts on a random episode of Friends and settles down on the settee with a blanket.

Ten minutes later, Dan walks in, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, arms full of old electronics’ boxes (evidently tonight was a ‘clearing out my room’ night).

“Oh! I thought you were going to sleep?” he turns to Phil, looking puzzled

Phil shrugs “Yeah but then I was cold and couldn’t sleep so I moved here”.

Dan puts down the boxes and puts his hands on his hips, turning to look at Phil again.

Phil takes a breath, _okay, make it believable Lester_. He just hopes Dan doesn’t find it too out of the ordinary for them, he shouldn’t do Phil concedes, they do cuddle _sometimes_ after all.

“Actually Daniel, I’m still cold, Sooo I hereby demand you drop what you’re doing and come watch Friends with me.”

Dan blinks at him, it probably only takes him a few seconds to respond, but to Phil, it might as well have been hours. Okay _maybe_ he is being just a tad dramatic but, his brain whirrs, does Dan think he’s being weird? Can he tell he’s lying? What if he just says no? Phil did _not_ think this through. Thankfully Dan just shrugs.

“Yeah sure, why not. I’m feeling a bit restless though so don’t complain when I drive you crazy with my fidgeting.”

Phil almost snorts, if only Dan knew how much Phil was aware of his restlessness.

Quickly, Phil sits up a bit till the chaise lounge part of the sofa is free, expecting Dan to sit there and he, in turn, could position himself along the rest of the sofa with his upper half resting against Dan.

Instead, it appears tonight is determined to be full of twists and turns as Dan walks right up to where Phil is lying and tugs the blanket off him.

“Oi! There’s another blanket literally right there, you lazy git!” Phil exclaims but is soon cut off by Dan swinging the blanket over himself like a cape then draping himself over Phil, eventually settling with his head on Phil’s chest and his arms either side of him.

Phil is so shocked he might go into cardiac arrest. He’s not really sure why this is affecting him so. He just hopes Dan can’t hear how hard his heart is beating all of a sudden.

There’s a moment of quiet, neither of them says anything, Phil’s just wondering if he should break the slightly awkward silence when Dan tilts his head up and looks at him, soft eyes looking slightly apprehensive “You alright there, Bud? Not hurting you, am I?”

“No!” Phil says- too quickly. “No, you’re good. Much warmer now, er, thank you!”

Just like that silence resumes, but it’s a much more comfortable silence now.

Phil watches as Chandler, Joey and Monica freak out about pee, sand and jelly stings and without realizing it he slowly falls asleep.

-

Dan plops himself down on the bench.

“Hey,” he says softly “I got you a chicken fajita wrap and a Ribena”

“Thanks,” Phil says gratefully, taking them from Dan “What did you get? Anything interesting?” Dan shakes his head

“Nah just falafel and Hummus wrap,” he pauses for a minute, then taps on Phil's forearm gently “Are you alright? Everything’s gone well so far, yeah?” Phil looks up from his lunch

“Yeah!” he says, voice enthusiastic, “I thought it was great. You made loads of really good comments today by the way. Think you got your points across quite well.”

He takes a sip of his drink then notices Dan still looking at him

“Why would something be up?” Dan blinks then shakes his head a bit seeming to pull himself out of his own thoughts

“No reason, you just seemed a bit quiet.”Phil laughs

“Just preserving my energy, Howell!” he nudges Dan and grins “We’ve still got a couple more meetings, c’mon finish up, think I saw an ice-cream hut somewhere and we’ve still got 15 minutes before we have to be anywhere.”

Dan smiles fondly and stuffs his crumpled wrapper into Phil's shirt,

“Gotta put the rubbish _in the bin_!”He dodges Phil's attempts at swatting him and stands up. “Hurry up, Old man! I do _actually_  happen to know which way the ice cream hut is, not just wildly guessing like _some people_ do.”

Phil chucks their rubbish in the bin and silently curses his brain for being in such a muddle, he’s fairly sure he knows why he has been a bit broody today, turns out waking up with Dan on him this morning had made him feel all sorts of odd, but he could hardly say that to Dan now could he?

-

“Phiilll!! There has got to be a bathroom somewhere near” Dan looks at Phil pleadingly.Phil sighs.

“You _really_ can't wait till we get home? It’s only like 10 minutes by Uber and I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to, I’ll go mad!” All he gets in return is an indignant look “Oh alright. You’re lucky I’m such a good friend”

Dan smiles at him, dimple out, and nods,

“The best” he agrees.

A very small and extremely annoying voice in the back of Phil’s head tells him he’d do anything to keep bringing that smile out.

Dan finds the men’s bathroom and goes in.

He leaves Phil outside leaning against the wall, trying to process the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that he can’t quite come to grips with happening inside his head.

They’d woken up late this morning, he had woken up to the sound of his alarm and a quick glance at the clock told him it was 7:35 quickly he shook Dan awake and rolled out from under him. The rush that ensued didn’t allow for any pondering.

Only by the time they had hopped into the taxi did he have a moment to think, his plan had worked! Point to Phil Lester! However, it had backfired a bit in that they had somehow both managed to sleep so soundly, even on a sofa that they had slept through the first alarm.

Phil could feel something brewing in his head, or his heart he wasn’t quite sure, he knew it would come to him sometime.

“Earth to Planet Phil!” Dan waves his hand in front of Phil’s face, an amused look on his face.

“Sorry, just tired. You all done?” he enquires. Dan nods and they set off for the exit Phil pulls up the Uber app and orders a car.

“It’s five minutes away,” he says to Dan. Then he has a thought, trying to school his features into a picture of innocence he says “Have a good sleep last night then Danny?” Dan looks up from his phone and if Phil didn't know better he could’ve sworn the man blushed a bit

“Uhm, yeah It was alright why-“ his jaw drops as he realizes, “You little shit! You fucking _knew_ I was going to be up for ages! You sly fucker, you planned that whole thing”

Phil cackles and shrugs, he imitates zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key.

Dan shakes his head in faux exasperation,

“You are unbelievable, Philip Michael Lester”

“Uber’s here,” Is all he gets in response and they head to the car.

A couple of minutes into the drive home Dan quietly murmurs “Thank you”.

Phil doesn’t reply, somehow it doesn't seem right to, but he feels something small and warm in his chest like those whispered words have somehow burrowed their way into his heart and made themselves a home there.

He’s still not entirely sure what’s come over him today, as the car pulls up outside their flat. He probably just needs to get a proper night’s sleep actually in bed.

And with that, he pushes it all to the back of his head and climbs out of the car.

-

“Fuck off, Peach!” Phil hisses as he speeds along rainbow road “Stop trying to shove me!”

He ends up coming second to Bowser “Stupid weird BDSM turtle” he mutters, then he sighs and rubs at his eyes looking at the clock, 2:28 a.m, great he thinks. Phil feels like he’ll never be tired at this point even though he should be, he hadn't done anything that’d keep him from sleep, hell he hadn't even had a cup of tea today, he can’t understand it.

After a while, Phil decides that playing Mario Kart probably isn’t going to help him feel sleepy anytime soon so he grabs a blanket and curls up on the sofa flicking through tv channels before settling on a Jeremy Kyle rerun. He still hasn’t figured out _exactly_ what’s going on in the episode, when a bleary-eyed half asleep Dan stumbles in, he jumps visibly when he sees Phil.

“OhMyGod!” he squeaks “You scared the hell out of me! Why are you up at...ten to three?”

Phil sits up

“Sorry, Did I wake you? I’ll turn the volume down.”

Dan settles on the armrest of the couch and shakes his head

“No, no. I was going to get some water. Thought I’d left the tv on,” he yawns, “Can’t sleep, huh?” Phil Snorts

“No, Dan, this is just how I like to spend my Monday nights, watching shit tv instead of getting a wink of sleep” he snarks, Dan holds his hands up in defense

“Ookay calm down there, Lesty” With a groan, Phil says,

“Sorry, just annoyed. Wish I could get to sleep, didn’t mean to snap”

Dan hums in response. After a moment, he opens his mouth then shuts it. He looks unsure then eventually he says,

“Oh well budge over then”.

Slowly Phil moves along the sofa, not sure what Dan’s doing till he sees him grab the blanket and turn the light off.

“Oh,” Phil mouths and when he sees Dan looking at him expectantly, he reclines on the sofa, just as he had days ago. And even though he knew it was happening this time he was somehow still colossally unprepared for the feeling of Dan settling his body on top of him, His arms and head resting upon Phil’s chest. After a moment Phil tentatively brings his arms up around dan’s middle prompting Dan to shuffle up slightly moving his head closer to Phil's shoulder now, Dan’s breath warm on his neck and his curls softly tickling Phil’s face.

And like magic Phil suddenly feels the hours catch up to him, he can hear Dan’s breathing evening out already and the sound lulls him to sleep, the last thing he thinks before he drifts off is that it probably _shouldn’t_ feel so comforting to have Dan in his arms like this. And that scarily, he wouldn’t mind holding him for as long as he possibly could.

-

An incessant buzzing wakes Phil up at eight a.m, he groans and grabs his phone from where it had fallen on the floor next to him.

Dan’s still lying on him, legs tangled with his, head resting just below Phil’s shoulder, cheek red from being pressed to his shirt all night.

Phil glances at the screen, eyes taking a moment to adjust to the harsh glare, ‘Mum’ flashes across the screen.

He feels a flash of guilt as he quickly thumbs decline, shooting her a quick text instead _‘Sorry mum, just woke up. I’ll call you in a bit xx’_ she replies almost instantly _‘lazy boy, Who raised you?’_ and then follows through with _‘you better not forget, Philip! I want to tell you what’s happening in this show your dad and I are watching’_ he sends back a thumbs up emoji.

Normally, having just woken up wouldn’t stop him from talking to his Mum.

But this isn’t a normal morning, and he simply doesn’t want to wake Dan up by chatting on the phone.

Truth be told Phil hopes the younger man doesn’t wake-up for a while yet, he has never felt so weirdly at peace, he isn’t even particularly comfortable on the sofa, the angle of his head makes his neck twinge a bit, but even that won’t make him move.

He gently moves his fingers over Dan’s head, tugging gently at a lock of hair, then he threads his fingers through the hair on Dan’s forehead and watches as he burrows his head into Phil’s neck.

Phil’s breath catches, suddenly feeling overridden with guilt, he shouldn’t be taking advantage of his friend’s kindness, Dan had offered to help him sleep last night and here Phil is, making a big thing out of it in his head. What’s wrong with him these days. He needs to get it together.

He takes a deep breath and steels himself,

“Dan.” he says and shakes him softly, “Wake up Danny.” he shakes him again. Dan groans and mumbles

“Time’s it?”

“Quarter to nine” Phil replies, he’s met with silence and momentarily he thinks Dan might’ve fallen asleep again but then Dan groans once more and with a huff, he pushes himself off the sofa and stands up.

Phil sits up and rolls his shoulders, a look of guilt flashes across Dan’s face “Are your shoulders hurting?” he says, looking concerned “I- I didn’t like…give you a cricked neck by lying on you for so long did I?”

Phil stands up and pats Dan’s shoulder

“Nope! No harm done,” he smiles earnestly then turns to leave the lounge, he stops in the doorway, suddenly feeling a wave of cheekiness come over him, he looks back at dan and grins “Thanks for the good night!” he adds a wink for good measure. even though he’s well aware it comes off more like a double-eyed squint.

Dan turns a delightful shade of pink and Phil makes a hasty retreat before he gets a chance to recover.

-

It seems that their recent sleeping incident has unlocked a new stage in their…friendship.

Though when he thinks about it Phil isn’t sure this is a new development as much as it is a revisited one, if his memory serves him correctly he quite recalls that they had started off as a tactile pair, which had been a new experience for both of them as he and Dan were the type to shirk away from all and any form of physical touch from other people.

Of course, when their popularity rose, they had learned to rein themselves in a bit, and it hadn’t really come back after that. It wasn’t really a conscious decision, it just kind of happened.

And whilst they had never shied away from friendly touches, and they don’t even edit them out of their videos as of late, the past couple of days have seen a shift in the type of touch. They’ve moved from friendly to …lingering.

The first time it’d happened Phil had been sitting on the futon upstairs, editing a sims video on his MacBook when Dan had come up to ask him if he wanted to get Chinese for dinner.

Phil replied in the affirmative and resumed his editing, then Dan sat down next to him, thigh right up against his and leaned his head on Phil’s shoulder, Phil turned his head slightly to look at him,

“You alright there?” he’d inquired.

Dan just whispered a quiet “yep” and proceeded to stay there for 10 minutes silently watching Phil edit, letting out little huffs of amusement at particularly silly moments in the video.

And then he got up and went downstairs to order their dinner, leaving a puzzled Phil in his wake.

Small touches fast became the norm over the next two weeks, just gentle taps when they pass each other in the hallway, putting his hands on Dan’s shoulders when he saw him hunched over his laptop, and massaging them lightly, feet touching when they’re both slouched on the sofa in the living room, suddenly so many more things require hand touching, sentences like “That is _not_ how you stir-fry, Phil!” and  “Dan, feel the texture on this book, no _this_ part” are now followed with “Here give me your hand, I’ll show you”.

Even while watching tv they somehow always end up leaning on each other, sides pressed close.

It is driving Phil mad. His heart has started running miles ahead of his brain, he’s beginning to find himself almost going that step _too_ far. And maddeningly he’s not even sure if it actually is too far anymore.

He’s not sure what Dan is thinking.

He’s not sure what _he_ is thinking these days if he’s honest.

He is stubbornly refusing to let his brain come to terms with what his heart has already realized.

Phil walks out of his room and is immediately hit with the smell of dinner wafting through the apartment, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was till now, it smelt delicious.

He moves down the hall to the kitchen and looks in from the doorway, Dan is standing at the cooker stirring something around in a small wok with one hand, his other hand holding his phone with the recipe open on it. Humming all the while.

Phil’s suddenly overcome with the urge to walk up behind him, wrap his arms around Dan’s waist and hook his chin over his shoulder.

The thought shocks him, he can’t believe it seems so appealing, just a fortnight ago the thought wouldn't have even occurred to him.

He restrains himself, in the end, decides that would probably be crossing all sorts of boundaries and making Dan feel awkward or uncomfortable is right up there on the list of things he never wants to do, just under murdering puppies.

Instead, Phil strolls up to him and puts his hand on Dan’s back in way of greeting, Dan looks up at him and Phil slides his hand to his hip, gives him a quick pat and then removes his hand entirely. Moves to the other side of the kitchen, like he doesn’t quite trust himself to keep his hands off.

“Whatcha cooking?”

“Well! Since you made tacos for lunch yesterday I thought I could carry on the Mexican theme and make some Enchiladas”

He turns the heat down and spins round to face Phil.

“What you _mean_ is you thought you could just use the Mexican spice mix I got for the tacos, instead of having to come up with something,” Phil says with a knowing smirk

“Shut Up, you twat” Dan grumbles.

“Well, either way, it looks rather good, can't wait to tuck in, _Amigo_ ” Phil teases “I’m sure I can find our Sombreros somewhere if you want? Really keep in theme at dinner,” he giggles. Dan glares at him

“I’m sure that’s offensive in about 10 different ways and-“ he swats Phil with the oven gloves, “You. Are. A. Cheeky. Shit” he delivers a swat to Phil with each word.

“Aww don’t get feisty, Daniel, you know I think your cooking is _muy bien_!” and with that, he ducks out of the kitchen Dan shouting curses at him all the way down the hall.

-

Phil’s lying in the dark, in bed. He rolls onto his side and sighs.

He’s having a mope, he doesn’t like to do that too often. Always one to try and look at the bright side or the funny side in absence of that.

Plus he knows he’s extremely fortunate and he often feels guilty for moping when he has no real right to, Not when others are much worse off.

That reminds him of Dan telling him off for that exact mindset, remembers a night spent sitting on the floor in Dan’s room listening to him rant about how _“Everyone has good things and bad things, Phil! You can’t just invalidate your feelings because you have things in life that are good”_ he had been so insistent that night, rabbiting on about things his therapist had said and things he’d read online. And Phil's pretty sure he even quoted Doctor Who at one point.

He’d been so upset at the very idea of Phil tossing his issues behind a metaphorical door in his brain, that Phil was actually forced to re-evaluate his coping mechanisms if only to stop Dan looking so torn up on his behalf.

Phil would be lying if he said he didn’t notice the way Dan made a conscious effort to validate any small complaint Phil would occasionally let slip, after that.

He can’t bring himself to tell Dan that he really doesn’t have to do that for him, not when it makes his heart rush just a bit, knowing Dan really looks out for him, wants to make him happy, not that Phil ever doubted that, but who doesn’t like a reminder?

So yes; Phil _was_ moping. Only this time he can’t complain to his best friend about it as it was he who was the very cause of said mope-fest.

He has finally come to terms with the fact that he seems to have developed the mother of all crushes on Dan.

If this had happened when Phil was a few years younger this might’ve warranted a total freakout.

But Phil’s older now and he can recognize this for what it is, a schoolboy crush.

He chalks it up to the fact that he hasn’t been so softly intimate with anyone for about 8 years.

That's not to say he hadn’t slept with anyone during that time, just that they’d never really been intimate affairs, oddly he’d never really _tried_ to look for intimacy anyway.

Truth be told Phil finds it a bit relieving as he was starting to wonder if something was up with him, he hadn’t had the hots for anyone for about a year now. He had even looked into asexuality for a while but it hadn’t seemed right for him.

His only comfort was that Dan hadn’t been with anyone during that time period either, at least not to Phil’s knowledge and he’s never kept that sort of thing from Phil before.

Phil sighs again, so all he can do is feel sorry for himself really, as he doesn’t want to act on this particular crush, seeing as it would ruin about a billion things plus the small fact that Dan definitely does not view him in that light.

He rolls over again and tries not to think about how much better he would feel right now if he had Dan in his bed, arms around his middle, head on his chest.

Almost unwittingly his mind conjures up more ideas, thoughts about _other_ things he could do with Dan in his bed, How he could slip his fingers into curly hair and tug, expose that neck to his mouth, knows he can suck and bite and lick and have him keening in pleasure just from that. Fuck.

He Has to force himself to stop that train of thought, he turns over and buries his head into his pillow, the sadly all too familiar feeling of guilt washing over him, for having such thoughts about his flat-mate who’s sleeping cluelessly just a wall away. He squeezes his eyes shut and eventually falls into a fitful sleep.

-

The carrier bags dig into Phil’s fingers as he shifts them all to one hand, trying to shove the key into the lock with his newly freed hand, with only a quick tussle he manages to get through the door and swings it shut behind him.

He puts the bags down and then pockets his keys before unzipping his coat and shrugging out of it, he hangs it up by the door, picks up the shopping bags again and heads upstairs.

When he gets into the kitchen he dumps the shopping on the counter and starts putting it away.

He’s just putting the milk in the fridge when he hears a soft “Hey” Phil smiles and shuts the fridge door, revealing a still half asleep Dan, dressed only in his Kennedy Space Center nightie and looking for all the world like a disgruntled kitten.

Dan ambles up to him, not stopping till their chests are almost touching, then he lifts his arms up and wraps them around Phil's neck, Phil wraps his arms around dan’s middle pulling Dan’s body flush against him.

“Why’d you leave me all alone?” he says, voice muffled somewhat as he nuzzles into Phil’s neck

“Just about died of cold, you almost killed me, Phil, is that what you wanted?”

Phil rolls his eyes and drops a kiss to the side of Dan’s head, “Went to buy milk and some pastries for breakfast, can’t have you dying of hunger, now can I? what would our fans say?” Dan pulls back and shoots him a look

“They’d say ‘wow maybe he wouldn’t have starved if Phil hadn’t eaten all his cereal like the pesky fiend he is’ ” his arms are still loosely locked around Phil's neck.

“You can’t prove anything” Phil murmurs as he slowly slides his hands up Dan’s body, till he’s holding his face in his hands, he pulls him closer and is just about to cover Dan’s lips with his own when he feels everything start to crumble with a frustrated groan Phil realizes what’s happening and opens his eyes.

He takes a moment to comprehend his dream. To get over the strange feeling of disappointment that he didn't get to kiss him.

Then slowly he feels the panic start to seep in, creeping through his veins. Bloody hell, _Now_ he is totally screwed.

 -

The hot water cascades down on him, steam filling the bathroom and he closes his eyes, finds that here in the shower, shrouded by steam his addled brain can focus.

He takes a deep breath, he doesn’t know how to go about this anymore, he had been fine last night, because last night he thought this was just a crush, thought it would blow over.

But after that dream, he feels like his brain has finally caught up to where his heart really is. More accurately; his brain has belatedly fallen as hard as his heart has.

Phil’s heart, traitorous thing, is now beating in fear and uncertainty, he feels queasy, questions of why, how and more importantly since when? Spinning round his head.

Eventually, he resolves that firstly, he’ll keep his space from Dan a bit, to keep anything from getting any worse, though it’s not clear what could be _worse_ than falling head over heels in love with your co-worker, flatmate and best friend all at once. How he could possibly have more to lose.

Secondly, he is going to call someone.

He’s not too sure who yet, just knows that he needs some outside help with what to do, doesn’t trust himself to think clearly about this. He needs another point of view.

Feeling a bit better now that he has a plan of sorts, he starts getting out of the shower.

-

It would be nice if he could catch a break and not have to interact with Dan for a couple of hours while he gets his bearings, but it appears Phil’s life is determined to be as much like a bloody drama-comedy as possible, with Phil at the butt of all its jokes.

Because the moment he steps out of the bathroom he bumps directly into Dan, jostling them both and immediately he feels a hand at his waist settling him, he pulls away quickly, skin on fire, he stutters out some kind of thanks then flees to his room in what he hopes is a not-too-obvious half sprint.

He wonders if he could just stay in his room all day and immediately feels bad, Dan hasn’t done anything to deserve being ignored so abruptly, the plan had been just to cut back on all the touching, but it appears he was now having a hard time facing him at all.

Phil spends the next five minutes lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling as if it can somehow give him answers, then his phone rings, he digs it out of his pocket and sees that it’s Cornelia.

Phil can’t think why she’s calling him but he welcomes the distraction and answers the phone.

“Hey, what's up?” he grumbles.

“Hi, wow you’re cheery today, what’s up yourself?”

“Oi!” Phil objects “You can’t ‘what’s up’ me, you’re the one who called!”

“Oh yeah,” She laughs “I’m afraid we’re going to have to cancel our game night tomorrow, One of Martyn’s friend’s is having a last-minute engagement party and apparently we must attend,”

“Oh, that’s alright,” Phil says and then unthinkingly he adds “Bit of a relief actually,” at least that was one major Dan interaction out of his near future.

“Wow, Phil! Tell us how you really feel” Cornelia teases and he rolls his eyes. “Shutup, you know I love game night, it's just-“ he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, thinks about what he’s about to say, somehow he feels like saying it out loud makes it that much more real.

“Oh fuck it!” he exclaims “Are you free? Because I’m about to have a major freak out.”

“Er, Yep, I’m free, what’s freaking you out? Everything ok?” her concern evident in her voice.

Tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he tries to come up with a way to put it, instead it all comes rushing out.

“I don’t know? I’m so confused but at the same time, I’m not confused at all. Like I’m quite sure actually, which is really bad because he’s going to hate me then everything will go to shit and I don’t what I’d do if –“

“Woah, Woah, Woah!!” Cornelia interrupts “Calm down, love, you’re not making much sense and if you carry on like that you’re just going to work yourself up.” Phil closes his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay,

“Sorry,” he whispers.

“Nuthin’ to be sorry about, just, tell me what the problem _actually_ is, then we’ll work through all the rest, cool?”

“I’m in love with Dan,” he blurts out, his eyes fly open in shock, allowing a couple of tears to escape, and roll down the side of his face. And wow it’s really hitting home now “I- I really, truly love him, I love him so much.”

“Oh.” is all he hears in response. Phil sniffles and closes his eyes, again.

“Oh indeed,” he says.

“Hmm, sooo I understand that you’re freaking out right now but-“

“Of course I’m freaking out what-“

“BUT!” She carries on, “I need you to think about something for me, just, hear me out, okay?”

“Okay…” he agrees with slight trepidation.

“Is this really surprising?” Before he can even open his mouth in protest she says, “Don’t you dare reply without thinking, Philip! Will you _actually think_ about the last…Oh I don’t know, 8 years, for a moment?”

Phil huffs and mulls it over, he thinks about when he first met Dan, remembers how instant their connection was, remembers how he’d spent the whole day, giddy with the happiness.

He thinks about all the things they’ve achieved together, remembers how much he loved doing them all with Dan, and how much he always looks forward to coming home with Dan in the end.

He thinks about how Dan really _is_ that one person that doesn’t drain him when he’s around, how being with him actually helps him recharge.

And if, well, if he really tries to remember, he knows that sometimes, just sometimes there were moments where he wondered, wondered what it’d be like to be..just that much more.

Phil never looked or thought of Dan sexually though, nothing but fleeting moments, he’d never been attracted to him till now, surely that meant something.

He voices that thought to Cornelia.

“I think you’ve been in love for a while now, or maybe falling in love slowly and because he’s your best friend you just never thought to look at him like that.”

Reluctantly Phil agrees, He thinks that sort of makes sense, then she continues,

“Phil, friendship is a huge part of being in love, your brother’s my best friend I love him as that just as much as I love him as my partner.”

Great, Phil muses, so now not only is he in love with his best friend but apparently, he’s been in love for years.

Explains why he’s never felt like looking for a proper relationship, he’d already found the person he wants.

“None of this matters!” he croaks, “It doesn’t matter that I’m in love with him because I can do fuck all about it!”

“Erm…why can’t you do anything about it?” Cornelia says, genuinely puzzled

“Because he doesn’t feel the same? And we live and work together, we’re a joint brand and we have a life together, I love our life. I couldn’t handle it if we broke up!”

“Phil, don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself there? You haven't given this a chance, people don’t go around thinking of the break up before they’re even together, no one would ever be in a relationship if that were the case.”

“I can’t do this to him, I know he doesn’t feel the same, I can’t make a big fuss and tell him I just had to go and fall in love with him, I know what that would do to him. He’s too kind and he cares so much, he’d be miserable about it. And it would ruin us…” he trails off, heart heavy.

“Well it’s up to you ultimately, but I don’t think you can be so sure that he doesn’t recuperate your feelings.”

“He can’t do, I would have noticed by now if he did.”

Cornelia snorts

“You didn’t notice your own emotions till just now, mate!”

“Ouch! Low blow, you don’t kick a man whilst he’s down,” he says, and they laugh.

After a moment of silence, she says,

“Oh gosh, is that the time already? ‘M Sorry, Phil but I have an appointment at the hairdressers in about 15 minutes so I had better be off, but uhm, just one more thing...” She pauses for a moment, “Don’t you find it slightly odd that neither of you has any plan to be with anyone else? In all the time I’ve known you both I’ve never heard either of you ever specifically mention a future where you weren’t still living with each other.”

And then without giving him a chance to reply she quickly says,

“Okay, gotta go, love you, bye!!” and hangs up.

Phil blinks at his phone, ‘ _I rly hate u'_  he texts her. He follows it up with _'tha_ _nks_ _’_.

Well then, he thinks as he stands up, time to move on.

-

Moving on is going terribly, not only does Phil feel like shit, but he’s also pretty sure that Dan is now annoyed with him.

They had filmed a gaming video yesterday, after Phil finally had emerged from his room and it went fairly normally, leading Phil to foolishly assume that maybe he _could_ move on easily.

Trouble arose when they finished filming and he’d switched the camera off, Dan had turned to Phil and said something about a game he was thinking they could play in the next video and as he said this, he ran his hand down the length of Phil’s arm, but before Dan’s hand could reach the end off his arm Phil jerked his arm away and stood up,

“Sounds great” he mumbled as he shuffled out of the room.

Phil knows that wasn’t a great reaction, he understands how rude that must’ve seemed to Dan but he had to leave before he did something stupid like take Dan's gentle hand in his, and never let go.

He vows to try and be more subtle next time he avoids Dan’s touch.

A couple of hours later, Dan walks into the living room, footsteps purposefully louder than normal, he sits down at the table with a huff and opens his laptop.

Phil smiles despite himself, Dan’s small acts of petulance have always been a source of entertainment for him, much to Dan’s chagrin.

He balks at the realization that it’s probably a testament to how enamored with him Phil is.

He sighs inwardly, he has to make peace with Dan now, before it gets any worse.

Slowly he gets up from the sofa, and meanders over to the table, he leans on the back of the chair opposite Dan and clears his throat, making Dan look up at him, eyebrow raised in question.

“‘ello,” he says in his most annoying northern impression, the one he knows Dan loves, “Do you want to order pizza for dinner? We can watch the next Casa de Papel episode while we eat.”

He knows he’s appeased him, can tell from the way Dan furrows his brow that he’s trying to stop the corners of his mouth from quirking upwards.

“It’s La Casa de Papel, and of course I want pizza!”

Phil laughs and walks into the hall to call Domino's, he generally avoids ordering with Dan in the room, knows from experience that it just ends in a lot of giggling on his end and a rather unfortunate and annoyed worker on the other end.

-

Apparently “Not thinking things through” is fast becoming Phil’s new M.O

After ordering the pizza, he had returned to the living room, flopped down onto the sofa, and started flicking through his Instagram feed, whilst Dan carried on working at the table.

Everything had gone smoothly till now, Phil finishes eating and sat back into the sofa, now entirely focused on the episode playing on the tv, he was only half aware of Dan packing up the leftover pizza.

That’s when it all started going south, for Phil, at least.

Dan who had been sitting on the floor throughout dinner moved himself up onto the sofa, painfully close to Phil.

And now Phil’s extremely annoyed at himself for not thinking this through, it was late, they were both full and warm, sitting on the sofa watching tv was hardly going to help him uphold his Don’t-touch-the-love-of-my-life rule.

One part of his brain is screaming at him to get up and leave, he has no clue what’s going on in this episode anyway, meanwhile, a more rational part of his brain knows how unfair that is to Dan, he can’t just keep storming off to his room, not when Dan has no idea why.

Phil would love to let him know that it’s not anything he’s done but what’s he meant to say? _‘Oh hey, I’m trying to avoid your touch because I’ve only gone and fallen in love so yeah, all cool?_ ’ that would go over well.

Dan inches closer, almost absently, and Phil knows he has to make a decision now.

He has to, has no other option, he can’t go with his heart, not when all his heart wants is to pull Dan into his arms and snuggle closer.

The feeling of Dan’s head on his shoulder pulls him out of his thoughts. Shit. Too late.

Somehow, paradoxically, Dan’s touch calms Phil’s racing heart, helps him think more rationally, he makes his decision. He’ll stay till the end of the episode, then get up and go.

That’s a great plan, that’s a rather obvious one actually, he can’t think why he didn’t think of it before, there was nothing to freak out about after all.

He turns his attention back to the tv and attempts to make out what’s going on.

Ten minutes later the episode’s over and to Phil’s alarm, Dan is fast asleep.

This would be ideal if he weren’t fully pressed up against Phil, head supported by Phil’s shoulder. If he moves now, it’ll most likely wake him.

Why not stay here with him, a part of Phil whispers, the damage is already done, he might as well enjoy having Dan sleeping in his arms, as if he has any claim to the boy, just for tonight.

No! he tells himself, If he doesn’t start moving on now then it’ll always be ‘just once more’, he’ll end up alone at 80, still pining pathetically, Phil thinks dramatically.

He purses his lips and starts to slowly shift away from his sleeping friend, trying not to let Dan’s head drop suddenly.

Just when Phil thinks he’s in the clear Dan grasps his bicep gently and murmurs “Stay” Phil feels his heart drop and so, quickly; before he loses his bravado, he stands up.

Dan opens his bleary eyes in confusion, clearly not expecting Phil to leave.

“Go back to sleep, Dan” Phil croaks, he picks his laptop up from the table “Good night” he mutters as he leaves.

-

If Phil thought things had been unpleasant last week, now they were downright dreadful.

He feels awful, he must've been holding out some hope about it all before, because now he is experiencing the full ‘broken heart’ package. Can’t say he appreciates it.

The days seem to stretch on, he’s starting to feel a bit like Eeyore.

He just feels so stupid, goddammit! How had he been so reckless with his feelings? he knows it wasn’t intentional but really…he’s 30 years old he should not be moping like a 13-year-old after their first break-up.

And as if to add insult to injury Dan has apparently taken up a vow of silence, and also developed ninja level avoidance skills.

Phil’s not entirely sure why _Dan_ ’s so upset, it’s not him whose heart is currently going through the grinder.

He knows he’s been a bit of a grey cloud recently but it’s not deserving of all that, surely?

Essentially everything’s gone belly up.

It’s 2:30 a.m and he’s lying in bed, desperately trying to ignore the sounds coming from Dan’s room, knows the all too familiar sound of him pacing his room, footsteps particularly heavy tonight, as if he’s trying to take his frustrations out on the floorboards, Phil sincerely hopes they don’t get an angry complaint from their neighbor tomorrow.

He’s not that concerned about it, the guy hasn’t complained before and it’s certainly not the first night Dan has spent aimlessly pacing.

And anyway who was he to complain when they had to put up with his weird sex noises at god awful hours in the morning.

The pacing stops, Phil sighs, maybe now Dan will be able to get some sleep and in turn so could he.

He’s already dreading the fact that they have to film a gaming video tomorrow and doubts it’ll improve the situation if they’re both tired and cranky.

Phil’s just musing about how worrying about a grumpy Dan feels like he’s come full circle when his bedroom door is flung open.

His heart jackrabbits and he sits up in shock, he doesn’t need his glasses to recognize the figure in the doorway.

‘Jesus Christ, Dan!” he exclaims loudly “Have you not heard of knocking or even just opening doors like a normal person?!”

He’s met with a stony silence, he hastily grabs his glasses to get a clearer look at Dan, and hopefully figure out why the hell he came storming into Phil’s room.

He shoves his glasses onto his face and blinks in surprise, Dan’s still standing in the doorway eyes red-rimmed, hand’s clenched by his sides, and in that moment Phil almost wishes he didn’t know Dan so well, cause maybe then he wouldn’t be able to tell just how close to tears Dan was.

Worry floods his mind,

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Dan shakes his head and tentatively takes a few steps towards the bed, and Phil’s heart pangs in concern when he notices that tears have started to run down the younger man’s face.

But almost as quickly as they appeared, they’re wiped away by a determined hand.

Dan looks at the ground and starts speaking, voice rushed,

“Look, I know you don’t want to be near me right now and I know I made you uncomfortable getting so touchy, I’m so sorry I thought you didn’t mind and I guess I got carried away and I didn’t notice which makes me really selfish I know,” he takes a shuddery breath, tears reappearing in a steady streams down his flushed cheeks, he looks up at Phil who’s staring at him like he’s grown a second head and then finishes his outburst with “I can’t sleep, Phil, I haven’t slept properly all week because I’ve been so _‘ugh’_ and it’s not your problem I know but please, just for tonight, please can you help me? I won’t ask you ever again if you want.” He looks at Phil with wet, imploring eyes.

Phil feels like he’s been slapped, in fact, that might stun him less at this point, he can’t for the life of him understand half the things flying out of Dan’s mouth, but before he gets to those he asks

“Help you?” What on earth? Dan looks embarrassed, he closes his eyes

“I fall asleep so easily when I’m with you, when you, uhm, when you hold me,” he whispers that last part like he’s afraid to admit it out loud.

Now Phil Lester has many moments in his life where he’s unsure, or where he takes time to actually think before he acts, but as he’s previously established, apparently when it comes to Dan bloody Howell, thinking sensibly goes out the fucking window.

And so, he shuffles over to one side in bed and lifts his blanket, before he’s even entirely processed all the information he had just heard.

Dan wipes his eyes on his pajama sleeve and crawls into bed beside him, he lies down on his side and slowly Phil lies down behind him, hesitantly he puts his arm around Dan’s waist and almost goes light headed when he feels Dan cover his arm with his own and closes the space between them entirely.

He can hear Dan hiccuping quietly and realizes that he’s still crying slightly, lanky frame trembling.

Phil slides his other arm under Dan’s head and then bends his arm at the elbow to bring his hand to the crown of Dan’s head and he starts to stroke his hair softly, hushing him all the while.

His thumb starts absently stroking the skin on the back of Dan's hand from where their hands lie entwined at Dan’s waist.

Phil takes a moment to marvel at how well they fit together.

“Dan, Danny, calm down, no more tears yeah?” he feels Dan nod weakly in reply “You don’t want to get dehydrated, hmm?” he teases.

He feels triumphant when he gets a very small laugh in response.

But even that small moment of happiness is fleeting for Phil, because, with a sinking feeling in his gut he knows with no hint of uncertainty what has to do now.

He had told Cornelia that day that he wouldn’t tell Dan because he knew how unhappy it would make him, but now even when he hadn’t told him Dan was upset, he was blaming himself for things and it was all getting very twisted.

If there was one thing Phil never wanted it was to make Dan sad, he had vowed so many times over the years that he would never add to the list of things that this incredible man has worked through.

No, he never wanted to cause Dan any pain and yet that’s exactly what he had done.

He needs to set this straight now, even if it means he might lose his best friend.

He contemplates waiting till morning, but he doesn’t want to drag this on for any longer than it has to be, just wants it to be over so he can start picking up the pieces.

“Daniel.” he murmurs, only now thinking about the possibility of Dan being asleep.

Fortunately (or maybe, unfortunately, he doesn’t know anymore) Dan isn’t asleep.

“Yes?” he says in a hushed whisper.

“I’m going to say something but you can’t say anything till I’m done, okay?” Phil says quickly “And maybe- maybe not even then,” Phil thinks that he prefers this to the thought of hearing the pity that’ll be in Dan’s voice after he learns how pathetic Phil is.

“Okay…I’ll try,” and he feels Dan stiffen slightly in his arms as if bracing himself for impact.

“I didn’t want to tell you this, I wanted to let it blow over, didn’t want to hurt you but everything’s fucked up right now anyway and I can’t let you go around thinking any of this is your fault-“ Dan turns his head suddenly mouth open to interject but Phil stops him “No, let me finish,” Dan closes his mouth and turns his neck back to rest on Phil's bicep.

“You never made me uncomfortable, funnily enough, it’s the complete opposite, I got too comfortable, Once I had you in my arms I realized, well I realized that I never wanted to let you go, what I’m trying to say is…”

Here come the tears again, burning at the back of his eyes, he musters the last bit of courage he has and says,

“I’ve fallen in love with you.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath and suddenly it gets too much for him, he tears himself away from Dan and swings his legs over the edge of his bed, back to Dan.

He puts his head in his hands as he lets it all wash over, him, breaths quick as he sobs quietly.

“Fucking hell...” he hears from behind him and he startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

Dan has now shuffled over to sit next to Phil, he looks cautious and Phil is just relieved not to see any pity in his expression or worse yet anger.

“Are you serious? Do you really mean it?” Dan says and, is that relief in his voice? Phil feels so confused, why does he sound relieved?

“Does it look like I’m joking?” He says with just a hint of annoyance, as he wipes his tears away “I would never joke about this, Dan!”

Dan’s only reply is to turn his body and swing one knee over to the other side of Phil in what is probably the suavest move he has ever done in his life.

“What the fuck-“ Phil starts, alarmed at suddenly having a lap full of Dan

“Stop talking, you buffoon.” Dan breathes and with that, he brings his hands up to Phil's cheeks and kisses him.

Stunned, Phil’s arms rush up to grip at Dan’s hips, fingers grasping anything to keep him grounded as his heart beats like mad and his mind spirals out of control.

He pulls back after what feels like an eternity but was most likely a matter of seconds and feels more than hears, Dan gasp lightly, he opens his eyes and rests his forehead against Dan's waiting for him to open his eyes too.

When he does, Phil lets out a weak,

“Hello,” and he immediately feels breathless when Dan’s face lights up, dimple popped as he smiles in full force, eyes crinkling.

“Hello yourself, Lester,” then he leans forward and gently kisses Phil’s lips, “In case I haven't made it clear enough, I’m very much in love with you too.”

Phil has never felt his heart soar like it does now, has never felt so full of love, feels like he is the luckiest person alive, can’t believe it.

“I’m scared I’m going to wake up any moment now,” he says to Dan, evoking a snort out of him.

“I would be too, but I know this is real because the edge of your bed is digging into my shins quite painfully,” Phil drops his head against Dan’s chest and smiles fondly, then he wraps his arms tightly around Dan’s middle, ignores the squawk of protest and moves Dan off of him till he’s lying on his back next to where Phil remains seated, both of their legs dangling over the side of the bed.

He gets off the bed and stands with a leg either side of Dan’s “Move up” he says and Dan shuffles further up, then straightens out a bit so he’s lying diagonally across the bed, Phil promptly crawls on top of him, holding his body up on all fours, hands either side of Dan’s chest, then he slowly lowers himself to rest gently on top of the warm body underneath him, elbows bracketing Dan in.

Phil leans close, feels Dan’s breath against his lips, then he kisses his cheek, before moving to the other side and pressing a soft kiss there too, he proceeds to press kisses into his skin, moving across his jaw, he stops for a moment when he feels gentle hands at his waist, fingertips skirting under his pajama shirt, he feels goosebumps erupt across his skin.

He pulls back a bit and looks into Dan’s eyes again, before finally closing the distance between their mouths, Dan’s hands fly up to cup his face and Phil slides his hands into Dan’s hair, mouths sliding against each other, wet and hot. He breaks off, and Dan’s whine of complaint quickly turns into a groan of pleasure when Phil tugs at his hair, exposing his neck and starts pressing open-mouthed kisses to the column of his throat.

Phil feels heat shoot through him at the sound that comes from Dan when he bites gently at his neck. He smirks and moves back up to Dan’s face,

“Always knew you’d love neck kisses.”

Dan glares at him, with no real heat behind his gaze,

“Mm, I’m pretty sure the whole internet knows that, babe, what with how often I joke about it.”

Phil’s eyes darken, as he slides his hands up under Dan’s shirt, then down to grip firmly at his hips, he leans in and tugs at Dan’s earlobe with his teeth,

“I can think of a few more things you joke about, _Baby,_ ” he murmurs, pressing his thumbs into Dan’s hips to emphasize the word and he greatly enjoys the ungodly moan he elicits in response. Dan smacks his bicep and hisses,

“We are _not_ going into this right now.”

Phil laughs and rolls off him, now lying on his back by Dan’s side.

“I didn't mean stop entirely!” Dan complains, “Just not _that_ right now.” He turns onto his side to face Phil, and Phil responds in kind.

“I know, but I don’t think we should get worked up now, we’re both exhausted physically and emotionally, Think we deserve a bit of sleep first, hmm?”

“Fine, grandad. But you better satiate me tomorrow morning and I am not talking about breakfast...” this time it’s Phil who smacks Dan, hand meeting flesh with a slight sting. Dan wiggles his eyebrows cheekily,

“Thought we weren’t getting randy tonight?” Phil shakes his head in amusement, noting the slight flush that had returned to the man’s cheeks.

“Just how many kinks are we looking at here, Daniel?  He quips teasingly.

“Oi! Don’t act innocent, Phil, we both know you’re just as kinky as I am!”

Phil blushes and Dan laughs in disbelief,

“How are you real? Not ten minutes ago you bit my ear and called me baby and now you’re _blushing?_ ”

“I am going to kick you out, I hate you,” Phil groans, covering his face.

“Oh no no no, no take backs, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” Phil rolls onto his back and pulls Dan into his arms

“Good, Don’t think I can ever let you go.” Dan presses a kiss to Phil’s cheek,

“And I don’t think I can ever leave”

Phil pulls the blanket up around them and listens as Dan’s breathing slowly evens out.

He thinks about all the problems that he had listed before, the reasons not to do this and he finds that they don’t matter anymore, he knows there are many things they have to discuss in terms of their image and brand and families and a 100 more things, hell, even their bedrooms need discussion but he doesn’t find it daunting, nothing seems all that daunting when he thinks about doing them alongside the man he loves.

Come what may he’ll be fine, they both will.

Because here and now, with the only person that truly matters sleeping soundly in his arms, Phil feels _invincible._

**_Fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Title from One Direction’s ‘18’  
> Fun Fact™: I wrote the whole Mexican food scene and then later while looking for a visual I needed I stumbled across them making fajitas in ‘Day in the life Christmas’ and Phil even gets sombreros, soo either I’m really good at characterizing or that scene subconsciously wrote itself in, probably the latter.


End file.
